


Delicate Situations

by Crystal_Firefly



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 09:39:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3932047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystal_Firefly/pseuds/Crystal_Firefly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inquisitor Brihain and Cullen must deal with Iron Bull's problem, while Cullen discovers Josephine and Blackwall's secret.</p>
<p>(topic may be a bit vulgar and/or immature, but the writing (hopefully) is not)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Delicate Situations

**Author's Note:**

> This is a stand-alone chapter (2,750 words) from a much larger, ongoing work in progress.

Brihain cuddled deeper into Cullen’s side, his arm firmly around her.  It was nice to lay there together watching the fire; appetites temporarily sated.  Before Brihain could wonder what was taking Bull so long to come back to bed, a loud, rumbling fart sounded on the balcony.  Cullen started to laugh and Brihain immediately kissed him, covering his mouth so that Bull wouldn’t hear.  She lifted her lips slightly from Cullen’s mouth, almost begging him to be quiet.  Cullen nodded slightly and she kissed him softly.  Whispering like conspirators, Cullen asked, “Does this happen often?”  “Only when he eats that dreadful Orleisian cheese dip he is so fond of.”, she replied, “It has a profound effect on him and he’s up for a couple of hours out there”, she waved her hand in the direction of the balcony.  “He doesn’t think I know about it and I don’t want to embarrass him.  Otherwise, I would put some peppermint leaves in his cocoa to settle his stomach.”  A muffled “fuck” and another series of strident farts sounded outside, startling a few pigeons from their slumber.  Cullen nodded.  “You know, I think I’ll just have a bit of a ‘man-to-man’ with him.  You stay here and, if the wind shifts, for the sake of your life, snuff the candles at once!”  Cullen rolled out of bed, donning his robe and picking up Bull’s as he walked over the cold flagstones and through the open door of the balcony.

Bull was leaning against the railing, hands clenching the marble, muttering some Qunari words that Cullen didn’t understand, but from the tone, were clearly a series of curses.  Walking over to the larger man, Cullen handed him the extra robe.  “No need to get chilled on top of it all.  Then again, you’re likely feeling like you’re going to set your arse on fire at any moment.”  “Hey!  Don’t be laughing at me, Cullen, this is bullshit.”, he whispered fiercely.  “Yes, I bet that is exactly what it is”, came the equally hushed reply.  “Oh, haha.  I get it.  I have horns and …” he trailed off as another series of cramps and farts gripped him.  Cullen tried not to choke, holding the sleeve of his robe across his mouth and nose.  “Bull, why don’t you just put your robe on and I’ll get you some peppermint tea.  Brihain says that will settle your stomach.”  “Cullen, please tell me she’s not awake…that would be the cherry on this turd.” Bull sighed.  Cullen replied, “Oh, Maker’s breath, man, she’s not unaware of the workings of the body.  Do you think she leaves violets in the garderobe by accident?”  Bull looked closely at Cullen’s face, “You’re shitting me!  I thought that was you.”  Another wave of cramps gripped his stomach and he cringed, “Better stand back…this is going to be bad.”  “Right then, I’ll go get the peppermint”, said Cullen as he sprinted back inside, slamming shut the double doors as he did so.  The glass in the panes shook.  Cullen wondered whether it was from him slamming them or the blast of flatulence that hit seconds later.

Brihain had the blankets over her head and the bed shook with her repressed laughter.  Grinning, Cullen walked over and pulled the blankets back, revealing her curled up and giggling like a fool.  “Well, that was a conversation I don’t ever want to repeat”, he snorted.  “How is he?”, Brihain gasped between giggles.  “Better now, but I think we should get him some peppermint tea to make sure.  You know, he’s oddly embarrassed about the whole situation.  He seems to think that you have no idea that men do that sort of thing.”, Cullen remarked.  Brihain stopped giggling and looked at him, “I know.  I don’t understand what the problem is.  Is it a Qunari thing, do you think?  I swear, he’s louder than a Fallow Mire goose sometimes, but I never let on that I notice anything.  I will admit, though, it is reassuring that he goes outside when it happens.  If he didn’t, there’s a real possibility we might choke to death in our sleep.”

Bull opened the doors to the balcony and stepped gingerly inside.  “Kadan, uh, I hope I didn’t wake you…I, uh, just needed a bit of air.  Nothing like fresh air.”, he grinned.  “Bull”, she smiled, “there is little fresh air out there or in here now.”  “Ouch.  That hurts, Kadan”.  He looked sheepishly at his feet.  “Cullen?  Would you please ask the kitchen girl to bring up some peppermint tea?”, she asked.  After Cullen had gone down the stairs, Brihain turned to Bull, “Please come over here, Bull.”  Taking his hand in both of hers, she kissed his fingers, and then the palm.  “Your consideration for my gentler sensibilities is very much appreciated, my love.”  Then, looking up at him, she smiled affectionately, “Now that you know that I do have some knowledge of men’s _other_ bodily functions, will you please just ask for the tea when you need it?”  He nodded his head sheepishly, “Yes, Kadan.”  She laughed, “If you don’t, there won’t be any more Orlesian cheese dip for you!”  “Oh, Kadan, you wouldn’t!  You know I love that crap…even though it does this” he waved his hand in a circle “to me”.  “Wait a minute” he said, looking at her piercingly with one eye, “They didn’t run out of dip at Cellene’s ball, did they?  You _told_ them to say that.”  Brihain tried to look apologetic, but failed.  “My love, you’d already had a full bowl and I didn’t think you should be in this state if we had to face down Gaspard.”  Bull shook his head, “Bah.  You’re probably right.  All the running around in those gardens after Florianne, I couldn’t have done it like this.”  Brihain grinned.  “See…no Ben-Hassrath training needed.”  Bull pushed her gently back and slid into bed next to her, dropping his robe as he did so.  “Maybe not, but I’ve got a few things in mind that will make you wish you’d had some.”  Brihain moved over to give him more room, letting her hand slide down to grab for his erection.  “I think more Ben-Hassrath training is exactly what I need, provided, of course, we aren’t in any further danger from your…um, delicate condition.” she giggled.  “Kadan, I am going to make you pay for that”, he grinned at her and, with practised ease, sliding his hand under her shoulders, flipped Brihain into the middle of the bed, where she landed softly on her back.  “Mmhmm, yes…come and make me pay for that” she whispered.

Bull never needed to be asked twice.  He threw his arm over her, pinning her to the bed, and began to gently slide down the length of her body with his tongue.  Bull’s tongue darted like a snake’s, flicking at her nipples, then lapping down her stomach.  Brihain arched her back in reflex and moaned softly, literally grabbing the Bull by his horns.  She could feel his smile against her stomach and then he moved lower, biting gently as he did so.  His hot breath felt like candle flame on her chilled skin and she writhed, wanting him to move lower still.  Brihain could feel Bull’s stubbled chin push firmly between her legs.  Using his horns for leverage, she raised her hips and trapped his head with her thighs, wondering how she could still want more.  All thoughts were pushed from her mind as Bull’s tongue entered her, darting in and out, teeth nipping at her swollen quim.  No thoughts, only her body reacting to his.  She moved against his mouth more urgently, body climbing toward that peak she must reach.  Pulling his horns free, Bull moved his face up, shoving fingers replacing his mouth.  Brihain gasped, but he continued.  He knew she didn’t want this to stop...she wanted him to be rough with her.  Bull watched her, head tossing from side to side, hands clenched in the bedcovers.  He pinched her nipple with his free hand, still thrusting his fingers inside her.  Brihain’s hands instinctively rose to cover her breasts.  Bull trapped her wrists in his hand, jerking them up above her head, making her cry out softly.  Now that her hands couldn’t move, her legs took over.  She had to move or she would burst.  Bull grinned as he rolled onto her, moving his hand away as he slid the tip of his cock into her.  Her legs went around him and pulled at him, but he would not enter her yet.  She needed to wait.  He would watch her writhe and hear her moan…both things making him harder still, but he would not give in to her body’s demands.  Bull stayed poised between Brihain’s thighs, her wrists firmly bound to the bed by his large hand; the other alternately stroking her face and body and pinching her erect nipples.  He could see the gooseflesh rising wherever he touched her.  “Maker’s balls”, he thought, “how can she can keep up with me, let alone both Cullen and me?”  Leaning down, he kissed her, managing to land on her mouth and hold her head still with his lips.  Her legs pulled against him again.  He held back for a moment longer feeling her beg against his mouth.  Swiftly grabbing each of her hands in his, he pulled Brihain’s arms down to her sides as he buried himself inside her.  Bull released her hands at her soft cry of pain, thinking to pull back, but she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back down to her, hips lifting to meet him.  She wanted to feel the pain.  Cullen had made love to her; now she wanted basic animal release.  “Can do”, Bull grinned to himself as he pulled back and quickly forced the length of himself into her.  Her moans and whimpers grew louder as he continued to move in and out of her.  He could feel her muscles tighten around his shaft, her breathing coming faster and shorter.  He wouldn’t have to hold back for long.  As he plunged deeply into her, Brihain cried out, her body going rigid and then he felt the clutching spasms of her climax.  Bull drove deeply into her once more, head back and bellowing, and felt his own release.  A few more intense thrusts and he was done.  He eased himself down onto her body, wanting to stay in that warm, throbbing place as long as he could.  Holding her tightly to him, he rolled them both over so that she would be on top and could fall asleep on his chest.  He could feel her breathing slow and she moved slightly, seeking a more comfortable position to sleep.  Sighing, Bull reached down and pulled the blanket up over her, sliding her down to his side where he could keep her against his body through the night.  Leaning slightly over her, he kissed her head, whispering, “Kadan, if this is what love is like for you, I think maybe the Qun is wrong.”  Laying back against the pillows, he wondered if he had lost all faith in the Qun and realized he didn’t care.  His faith lie with the Inquisition now, and with the Inquisitor.  That was all he needed.  For the first time since he had been declared Tal Vasshoth, he felt truly at peace with it.

******

Cullen had swung the copper kettle over the hob and was waiting for it to boil as he rummaged through the simples cupboard looking for peppermint leaves.  He was humming softly to himself.  All things considered, it had been a lovely evening.  Hopefully, the tea would settle Bull’s stomach and they could all get some much-needed rest.  He hadn’t bothered to wake the kitchen girl when he could easily boil the water and make the tea himself.  Finding the leaves, he stripped a few free from the stem, then, thinking better of it, took another handful, inhaling the fragrance as he rolled them between his hands and dropped the crushed leaves into a large mug.  Cullen poured the boiling water over the leaves, swung the kettle back off the hob and, spying the jar on the polished wooden counter, lifted the lid and scooped a small dollop of honey into the steaming liquid.  “That should do it”, he thought and, turning, left the kitchen, heading up the flight of stairs leading back up to the main floor of Skyhold.  As he reached the top of the stairs, he thought he heard hushed voices in the Ambassador’s office.  He was certain no one had been there when he went to the kitchen.  How long had he been gone…fifteen minutes?  Who would be in there?  Carefully pressing his ear to the door, he tried to get a sense of whether the voices were male or female.  No one should be in the Ambassador’s office at this hour.  Had he stumbled upon someone looking for treaties or contracts to steal?  Straining to hear through the thick planks of the oak door, he could make out the rumbling of a deep male voice.  “Who could that be?” he wondered.  Then he heard a woman’s pealing laugh; cut short.  “Maker’s breath”, he thought.  Someone was assaulting the Ambassador and here he was armed only with a cup of tea and dressed in a silk robe.  There was nothing for it; the Inquisition’s Ambassador was in distress.  He pushed hard against the door and, actually trying not to spill the damned tea, burst into Josephine’s office.  What he saw before him stopped him short, mouth agape.

Backlit by the roaring fire, Blackwall and Josephine were entwined on the carpet, bare as they had come into the world.  Shouting and reaching for his nearby sword, Blackwall had shielded Josephine’s body as best he could with his own.  The blood rushed to Cullen’s face, “Blackwall, it’s Cullen.  My apologies to you and the Lady Ambassador.  I had just gone to the kitchen to fetch some tea.  Pardon my untimely intrusion.”  He bowed, turned on his heel and walked quickly back to Brihain’s quarters.  “Well, well”, he thought, “still waters do indeed run deep!”

******

As Cullen mounted the stairs, he could hear the sounds of rough sex coming from Brihain’s bedchamber.  He absently wondered how long it would be before the bedframe broke.  Although Brihain’s was made of better stuff, Cullen had seen the damaged furniture in the unoccupied rooms of the keep.  Perhaps they should have the carpenters and smiths reinforce it, and make it larger while they were at it.  The skilled craftsmen had been complaining about being reduced to mere coopers.  Well, this would give them a worthy project.  Cullen laughed softly, thinking of what Josephine would say when she got the requisition forms.  Lounging against the railing, he waited until he heard the sounds he knew so well now, Brihain’s gasp of breath, her short quick breaths and then, the intense silence before she cried out.  Waiting a few moments more, Cullen opened the door and stepped inside.  Iron Bull looked over at him, smiling, and motioned for him to be quiet.  Cullen nodded and walked over to the side of the bed, handing Iron Bull his tea.  Cullen briefly thought that he should return to his own bedchamber, but looking down at Brihain, decided that he would stay here, with his lovers.  He walked to the other side of the bed and climbed in next to Brihain, careful not to wake her.  She snuffled in her sleep and moved her backside up against him, seeking his body’s heat.  Iron Bull looked at Cullen with his one eye, raising his brow.  Cullen shook his head, letting him know that he was good.  His “news” could wait until morning.  He smiled and, cuddling up against Brihain’s back, put an arm over her and settled in to sleep.  Iron Bull looked down over the rim of his mug at the pair of them; one blonde head, one red.  He sipped the tea and raised the cup in a gesture to Andraste or whatever god had brought them together.  Draining the mug, he placed it on the floor, slid carefully down into the bed so as not to knock his horns, and draped his arm carefully around Brihain, clasping Cullen’s hand in his.  He felt the firm squeeze back and, mildly surprised, smiled.  “What a long way we have come”, he thought as he drifted off to sleep.


End file.
